Monday, June 25, 2012 @ 1:15 PM
HI AGAIN.
Dont even think there are still reading this blog, my blog, his blog, our blog.
have i mentioned that i'd lost grandpa about 3 months ago? time had passed so fast that i couldnt catch up.. i just loose everything that i love, so be it. fuck life, and fuck everything.. i know i shouldnt be spamming the "fuck" word because i promised bb before that i will not use vulgarities.. haha, so idiotic.. does he even care? i dont know if i should trust whatever he says. im just like a stupid girl, cryign for the past 3 days.. all my energy.. just drained because we broke up.
i really miss him, but whatever i say, do he even care? whatever he said, should i believe? i dont even know if he's only making use of me for, sex? seriously.. what should i do? im lost, im confused. his words just keep changing.. he wasnt like that in the past, he always lie, but i still forgive him. i still trusted him. until i learnt that all this while, he'd been going to club, he'd been touching other girls, he'd been smoking.
"why, why do you even lie to me? why do you betray? why do you hurt be even though you say you still love me, and telling me that you will come back for me after 2 years of studies in auz, unless i meet someone here in sg, or he meet someone in auz. what are you exactly thinking?!"
i still trust, i still love. i still wait. for goodness sake, im the stupid one, i know. but it just hurt so much at the thought of it.. everything i do, reminds me of him.. EVERY SINGLE THING. why the hell do i deserve this? okay, maybe it's like what he say.. im always showing him attitude, im showing him tantrums, but if you love this person, you would tolerate everything that he/she throws at you right? i really dont understand.. i tolerated with him also.. after i know all his flaws, and learnt that he is abit slow when thinking.. i still accept, forgive and love. why do i get this in return.. i really dont understand.
life would be duller without him around. i wonder if he would feel the same way as i do too.. i will still wait for him.. and that's my decision. i will be alright.
I still love you, julian.
